Our family background has a significant impact on whom we are. This impact could be positive or negative. Respectively it could help you to become healthy or unhealthy. But family is not everything in life. You can still change. Be a better person. That’s why it is helpful to know mother-son enmeshment signs.
What did we mean by mother-son enmeshment signs?
The common characteristic of an enmeshed family is their lack of healthy boundaries. Everything goes in the opposite direction in this kind of family.
Normally, parents take care of their children. But in an enmeshed family, they expect their children to take care of them. There is no boundary to what a person should do. They don’t understand each other.
This kind of behavior is not good for children. A family shouldn’t be run by parents’ emotions. Everyone in a family has the responsibility for their emotions. Anyone cannot force them into someone.
You can be in a family like this. It is worth knowing that and taking the right actions to change that. Do you think your mother and you are in an enmeshed relationship? Check mother-son enmeshment signs to make sure.
- What did we mean by mother-son enmeshment signs?
- Son exists to meet his mother’s needs
- Son can’t do it without his mother
- Don’t be like those other people
- It’s selfish to have your dreams apart from your mother
- Don’t trust yourself
- You need her to rescue you
Now we explain them one by one.
Son exists to meet his mother’s needs
This is probably the most common and worst sign among signs of mother-son enmeshment. Did you ever feel in your life that you are doing what your mother wants you to do? If yes this is the green sign for you.
Parents are responsible for teaching their children disciplines. But not how they should live. This whole thing leads children to lose self-identity. After growing up they do not know what to do with their life.
A mother should have a boundary regarding what she expects from her children. A healthy boundary that doesn’t destroy their future. So don’t exist only to meet your mother’s needs.
Son can’t do it without his mother
This is another way of keeping children to fulfill parents’ needs. Kids gain abilities as they grow up. They can do many things without their mother. They should know how to do things without their parents. Otherwise, they will make trouble as adults.
It is true for very young kids (Under 3 years). But wrong for grown-ups. This not keeping children safe. This is using children. If you saw these mother-son enmeshment signs, don’t think you are nothing without your mother. Try to do things by yourself. Making mistakes is normal but try not to repeat them.
Don’t be like those other people
Sometimes mothers in enmeshed families say similar things like that. They want kids to do it the way they do it. But can a mother’s way be always the right way? I don’t think so.
This behavior is bad in many ways. It discourages a child’s decision-making skills. Something that will be essential for them in the future. Mothers do this because they hate someone. Hatred is not good for children.
Children must be unique. They don’t necessarily follow their parents blindly. Respect kids and their choices. If you think they are wrong try to explain what is wrong rather than forcing them to follow you.
It’s selfish to have your dreams apart from your mother
A destructive sign of a child’s future. Kids follow their dreams. They often achieve them if they have courage and proper guidance. But sometimes mother-son enmeshment ruins it.
Mother-son relationships are very different from one culture to another. We see these mother-son enmeshment signs often in Asian families. Their parents want the child to become a Doctor, Engineer, or some other they want. But kids want to go on a different path. Some parents think it is a selfish act. But what they don’t realize how bad is forcing children to do something they don’t like because of selfish reasons.
Don’t trust yourself
This is not something a mother should tell her young son. Especially school kids. Whatever they do, they have to trust themself. They have to become someone they can trust. Saying this is a great way to destroy a child’s dreams.
Did you know pulp fiction director Quentin Tarantino decided not to give any penny to his mother from his successful carrier? The reason behind this is a sarcastic insult she did when Tarantino is young. She said “this little writing career that you’re doing” in a sarcastic way. He said he stuck to his word during the podcast The Moment With Brian Koppelman.
We don’t know whether Quentin and her mother had an enmeshed relationship. But saying things that make kids lose trust in themself is bad. It could have been a motivation for him. But not for everyone. That is why every parent should know their words has consequences.
You need her to rescue you
She means if you get in trouble you require her involvement. This is another way of saying you can’t do it without your mother. But that is the opposite of what they should do. Here is why this negatively affects on child’s life.
Whoever saying this must assume you get into trouble in the first place. So it is a huge discouragement. But making children over depend on parents is worst than discouragement.
A mother should teach her child to take care of their body, and how to handle situations very well. Not just make them depend on you without boundaries.
Wrapping things up for mother-son enmeshment signs
Healthy boundaries are the main characteristic of healthy family background. Rescuing, Possessiveness, Criticism, Parentification, and discouragement is all you get in an enmeshed family. Mother-son enmeshment signs help to identify toxic behavior. Both of them together can create healthy boundaries and ultimately achieve a healthy relationship.
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